Square peg
by cein
Summary: Jack and Ianto attend a seminar, and learn a useful lesson


Title: Square peg

Author: Ceindreadh

Characters/Pairing: Jack/Ianto

Word Count: 650

Rating: PG-15/T

Warnings/spoilers: Set during S2, not COE compliant

Summary: Jack and Ianto learn an important lesson at a seminar

Disclaimer: These characters belong to the BBC. No copyright infringement is intended.

"Remind me again why we're sitting through a personnel management seminar?" Ianto murmured discreetly into Jack's ear.

"It was part of our agreement with UNIT. They're willing to lend us what backup we need during periods of increased Rift activity," said Jack, "But they want us to adhere to some of their protocols as well." His voice wasn't quite as discreet as Ianto's and earned him a few disapproving looks to which he returned a winning smile.

"Hence the seminar," said Ianto, "I *was* the one who negotiated the agreement to a satisfactory conclusion. But what I really meant was why did *we* have to be the ones to attend. Surely one of the perks of being in command is the ability to delegate when required?"

"Ah. Well Gwen was my first choice, but apparently Rhys had a romantic weekend away planned for weeks now, and she didn't want to let him down."

"And Tosh?"

"I sort of owed her one," said Jack. "And she called in the favour."

"Let me guess, which of your porn stashes on mainframe did she accidentally come across *this* time? No, I don't want to know. Just tell me it wasn't one of ours or I'll never be able to look her in the eye again."

"It's okay; it's from when I spent some time on Bod Mor in the Coileach system. They did wonderful extensions, and threw in a free video after the procedure."

"Mmm, I'll have to ask Tosh for a copy," said Ianto, "I don't think I've ever seen you with long hair."

Jack leaned in closely and whispered in Ianto's ear, "It wasn't my hair I had extended."

Ianto's barely suppressed snort of laughter drew him a stern glance from the lecturer, who wasn't as amenable to his smile as Jack tended to be.

"If we're not careful, we'll get kicked out," Ianto whispered. "So why didn't you send Owen? Or did he have a note from his Doctor asking to be excused on account of being dead?"

"No he pretty much told me that he might be dead but he wasn't *that* bored that he was going to sit through a seminar and I could bloody well fuck off and do it myself."

"You're such a sucker for a persuasive argument," said Ianto, wondering if a quick feel under Jack's coat would be sufficient entertainment to keep him amused until the next break. Only half listening to the lecturer, he could hear her waffle on about the importance of fitting a square peg to a square hole. A sudden thought occurred to Ianto and he leaned in closer to Jack. "Jack, have you ever come across a species with square...appendages?"

"What?" Jack had been daydreaming about how much enjoyment could be had if he could only persuade Ianto to stick his hand under the greatcoat. "Oh, yes, the Rhomboids. Great sense of humour...but then they need it."

"And did you ever, you know, with one?"

Jack grimaced, "Yes, and I do *not* want to talk about it."

This time Ianto's laughter was unsupressable, resulting in both of them being ejected from the seminar and told in no uncertain terms that their presence at UNIT run seminars was *not* going to be required or for that matter desired ever again.

It wasn't all bad though, thought Ianto. Tosh and Owen had a UNIT team backing them up, so he and Jack were officially off-duty for the rest of the day. He planned to spend that time demonstrating to Jack the importance of the right shaped peg for the right shaped hole. And if they made some more porn for Jack to 'hide' on the mainframe, well that was fine by him too.

And knowing that somebody else on the team would have to attend the next UNIT run seminars, well, that was just the icing on the cake.

The End

Author's notes: I thought I was pretty much done with Torchwood after Children of Earth. Honestly, I hadn't even thought of it in months until the recent announcement. Still, there's 26 episodes worth writing about, so who knows.


End file.
